My Commentary on Jo bel's Terrible Story
by Meggie cronwall
Summary: Yes, another commentary on the worst story in Fanfictions history. WARNING! Includes: crappy spelling, extreme racism, loss of brain cells and an extremely annoying Mary-Sue.
1. We meet the annoying MarySue

**Ok so I know that this has been done before, but after reading the various hilarious commentary's I just had to make my own, even if my brain turns to mush from reading this…crap. Good luck to all of you.**

* * *

AN Dis iiz mi stury. MI friend edited it 4 me. You're the best, Darry! **(Oh my God…if this is 'edited' then I don't even want to think of what it was like before *shiver*)**

BOOK 1: JO BELLE POTTER AND THE SORCERURS STON **(She's not gonna do ****all**** of them is she? Lord help us if she is…)**

Chapter 1: Dumbledore **(oh no…)**

Mi nam is Jo bele Susie lilee Puttr. (**Great, another fucking Mary- Sue.)**

I waz drupped uff at mi uncl and ants hose. (**Your Uncle married an ant? They live in a hose? How did you manage to squeeze in there?)** wen I waz 3 da dark lurd volddenut (**Volddenut? Wow…I actually feel sorry for poor Voldy.)** killd mi parents. I used to hav a bruthr but he livs in engglnd. **(Is he dead? No, so how is he not your brother?)** Now mi ant in uncl in sutth carulia razed me. **(They destroyed you? YAY!)** Dey r abusive. **(I thought they already destroyed you?)** Dey rap **(Cool! Can I have a demo?) **and hurt me. **(Hum…I'm getting a sense that that's a good thing.)**

I hav durty blond hair, that hangs down to mi feet. **(What is this Rapunzel? Well, at least you'll probably trip on it.)**i hav dimond blu ies dat sparkl. **(Shit, not another Cullen idiot!)**Sometimes my eis are green or yellow. OI am super hot!111111111 **(Remember it's a ****bad**** thing if the mirror breaks.)**

1 dae I waz wlkin doewn da street nd I cm hom der was a ledder on da doorstep. I gspd!11111111111111 it sad hugwurts skill od wickraaf nd wizrdy. I tried to get it butt sdunely… … … … … …**So much useless suspense** … … … … … … … … … … … … .. .. ..

A knif came me!111111111111111 **(Who threw it? I want to give them a big hug!)** Im fast thouh, so I caut it nd thru it bak at mi dum uncl. **(Damn it, missed; and ninja skills? Seriously, that's the best you can do? Pathetic.)**

it hit him in da crocht and he did. **(Sorry? You hit who in the crotch?) **den antie Beatrice cam up. "U klld mi usbnd u freek!111111111111111" **(man, and I thought you couldn't get any stupider, yet you can't even hold down the shift button and 1 button at the same time!) **

Hes nut ded.' **(What's with all the nuts?) ** I told hur. Den I wavd mi hnd n he cam bak to lif! "** (Bitch! Can't you see that he wanted to stay dead! He finally got away from you!)** Jpo bel!" he screemd **(Told you.)**

Mi ant thru me acruss the rume.\ I hit da wull nd nearly pasd out! (**Why can't you just die already?) **

"wuts dat letr u hav,' jo bel?" ant betric askd

"NOOO" Uncl sd.

"I hut wed stuppd it!" ant betrik sad. ( **Why does that situation sound so familiar…)**

"den unl grvaed be nd thruuu me acrss da rume. **(Please die, please die…)** DEN DA DUR FLU OPEN!111111111.. ….. .. .. . . .. .**(Damn.)**

An old man was der. **(no, not him…please lord, don't let it be him!)** He had a long blak beerd. He spok in an awsum suthurn bretesh axnt. "I am Pruffsr ALbis Peeter Quintin alexndr Dumbldur!111111111" he crid. **(NO! Why, why, why? And it's Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore! Get your facts right!)**

A flash uv litenin was seen oteside da durr. It lukeed lik mi scar. I hav a scar ov a litenn bult on mi 4hd. **(No? Really? We never would have guessed even though your last name is Potter or Puttr, whichever one!) **

Dumbldur sd. "Cum **(how do you know that word? You can't be any older than five right?)**

w/ me jo bel I hav ur bruthur."!1 **(Wait, I thought you didn't have a brother any more, since he lives in England.) **

2 B CNTUUD! **(*Closes eyes and prays* Lord help us all.)**


	2. Since when is Harry a Golfer?

**Yes you guys survived! Whew…I was getting worried.**

**Second chapter in one day...I'm on a roll.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Jo Bel's crap, sadly don't own J.K Rowling's masterpiece. **

* * *

A?n This da second chappy, I hop u lik it! **(Honestly, I doubt we will)**11 Thanks to Darrel for da ediding! Ur da best. **(You know it's only the second chapter and I'm already wondering if the editor is just a figment of her imagination.)**

Chapter 2: Harre Putter **(Harry's a golfer now? Since when?)**

Dumdumfore tuk mi 2 Englend. It waz relly cull. I saw a olot ov peple there. **(Really a lot of people? In a Country? I never would have guessed.)** Wen one of those stinky Nurthurnurs cam up, **(I bet you stink more than us**.**)** I killed thm. NOrthernurs ar so stupid. **(Ha! Ha! You're calling us stupid? Say's the girl who can't even remember that she's living in ****NORTH**** America!) **Den Dumumdor tok me to ribet Driv. **(Run frogs**! **Run!)** We knoked up the door. **(Poor door, it deserves so much better.) **A fat gay boy ansered the dur. **(Dudley isn't gay, and there wouldn't be anything wrong with that if he was.)**

/hoo r u" he aksed. **(Isn't it obvious? It's an annoying bitch who messes up the most amazing books in the world!)**

"don talk to me GAYY."

"Dadddyy, he said, running away and crying. **(I think he would have punched you instead.)**

Then a 11 yeer old boy cam up. "Who r u.' he asked **(Once again, it's an annoying bitch who loves to torture people by messing up all the amazing books in the world.)**

:Im prufesxsr dumfumdoor, and dis iz y=r sister." **(Dumfumdoor? Did you hit your head when you knocked up the door or something?)**

"I;m jo bell,' I told him; **(Hum…first Jo Bekke, now Jo Bell. Maybe it'll be Jo bitch next, it'll suit her better. Don't you guys think so?) **

"im… … … … … … … … … … _… _**Yet another failure at suspense**_…_ … …. … … … … … … … … … … Harre POTTER **(No way!)**

Bcuntined **(*Slamming head on the table a number of times* Why…*slam*…can't…*slam*…she…*slam*…leave…*slam*…us…*slam*…alone…*slam.* **


	3. Jo Bel offends lots of people

**Hey and welcome back to another terrible chapter of this Shitty story. Hope you survive!**

* * *

A/N Daryll ur da bes. Thanks 4 edidin. **(There is no Daryl, and if there is he's probably tied up in your basement.) **

CHaptre 3: The trpi 2 Digon Alee. **(Oh no.)**

"Im HAree Potter," HE SAID. **(Random flashback.)**

'NO WAE," i sed. "im ur sister." **(Didn't Dumbledore already tell him that?)**

"cull he sed,"**(Cull? Is this supposed to be Harry Potter or Twilight?)**

Then I noticd somthin. "Y do u hav a Suthern axent wen your from Enhglend?"

"Cuz Im frum Suthern Englend lol." **(*Face palms* ****why must you ruin everything we love about British people? First how smart they actually are and now their awesome accent's, why?)**

"LOl'" **(I don't remember you guys having cellphones.)**

"Don't u hat northurnurs?" he sad. **(Charlie Rowe and Daniel Radcliffe along with every single British, Scottish or Irish person out there would be offended, ****not to mention in the hospital. A**nd by the way, you're writing about ENGLAND!) 

I knoe rite/"

Dumduldur agreed. "now its tim to go 2 Digon Allee."

"But wat aout mi cousins?"

"Dey're stupid Northernors so it don't matter." **(If you make one more crack about Northlander's I'm gonna personally kick your ass!) **

"Good, I jus hat them : **(We all hate you too.)**

"Now, Jo bekke **(Another name change!) **Will do the majic. Now, telepotr us to Diafon Ally!" **( It's disapperating, and she knows seventh year magic at eleven? J.K Rowling would cry.) **

I said the incantation. Suddnly we were in Digon Alley! **(Wow, I'm so amazed…)**

2 BE CONTINUED!11111111111111111 **(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) **

* * *

**Feel free to review.**


	4. Energy drinks, Salt and a Dragon

**Hey again! Thanks for the reviews and everything, you guy's rock.**

**Disclaimer: I would die if I owned Jo bel's shit, I would be in a wonderland if I owned J.K Rowling's masterpiece.**

* * *

aN: So, tanks to Daryl 4 fixin da gramer. Ur da best! Flamrs: GO 2 HELL! **(Remember, hell is the one down there. *points downward.* Not Up there *points upward.*)**

Chapter $: DIgon Aley purt 1 **(There's two parts? *writes Will before praying* I'm ready.)**

Profesur dumbledum tuk us to a stor calld Grignots. Yo can get free monee ther. **(Gringotts isn't a store; it's a bloody bank, ever heard of those? It's where your mom gets money to buy the food to keep you alive, sadly.) **Wee go in. A gremlin cums up to us. **(No! You leave the gremlins alone!)** "oH U mus b jO bEkk potter. Weve been watein 4 u. o nd hllo harre." **(WTF? Why do they ignore Harry? He's the Boy Who Freaking Lived.)**

Dumbldum commntd on his status, **(Since when do wizards use facebook?)"**luk her gremlin, jus tak us to der vault, and NOT de enegy drink, ok, do, you, get, that mistr 'helo jO beKL?" **(Energy drink? Man, you ****do**** need help.)**

The gremln srummk in feer. "Yes, jus dnt hrt me." **(So OOC, Dumbledore wouldn't hurt a fly. Unless that fly was Voldemort.) **

/I wnt hrt u, but jO beKKE might! **(Oh look, it's an eleven year old girl with freakishly long hair and sparkly eyes like Edward Cullen. Run for your lives!) **

The gremlin sed, "letz\s go 2 ur valt." **(Valt? Is that supposed to be salt, cause you can't go into that you know.)**

We got in da sports car and druve into da valt. "Bi da wae mi nam iz golum," da gremlin sed. **(A sports car…are you kidding me?) **

GoLUm tuk us doewn into da valt. "Is this da valt," I aksd. **(I really think you should stop eating the salt, you could get a heart**…**never mind carry on…)**

"Yeperoo,' golumn saeid.

'Iz this da valt,l" haree askd/ **(No! First you made Harry hate himself now you made him deaf! You truly are a monster.)**

"Yes."

Dmbldurm tuk jo bELe and haree into the lair. DER WAS A DRAGON DER!111111 **( YAH! TEAM DRAGON! Yes, that does mean I'm on the dragon's side.)**

2 B CUNTOUED **(This is horrible torture, even by medieval standards.) **

* * *

**Feel free to run and review.**


	5. Our last Hope, and Cheerleaders?

**Chapter five! and still alive!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Jo bel's crap, don't own J.K's masterpiece.**

* * *

A/N: Stop FLamIm u r stupid nd gae! **(But it's so much fun! And I'm not gay, thank you very much.)**

Chpaarte 5: Da mystikel dregon **(come on Dragon, you've got to win this…)**

DER WAZ A DRAGEN DER!11111111111 **(yet another random flashback.)**

Gollum sed, ' u hav 2 dfeet da dregon w? ur pwors 2 get 2 da vult. **(You mean her pathetic ninja skills? She's never getting into that vault of salt.)**

"k," hare end ei sed. 'kay… **(me: *Anthem voice* Attention everybody! It's the moment we've all been waiting for! Jo Bel will finally die!) **

**(Crowd: FINALLY!) **

We wnen in but haree got scrd. **(You mean that **_**you**_ **got scared. Let's not forget that Harry is a Gryffindor.) **I hd to go in by myslf. Jo bElle wen in. **(Now a random change of perspective? I'm gonna have a whole list of random things by the time I'm done the first ten chapters.)**

Da Dragen was ornge. aand spok in a northurn axent. **(A dragon with a British accent? Better than southern…)** . "Im da dregon hoo gurds Grinworts!" **(Grinworts? What's that supposed to be? Some messed up mix of Gringotts and Hogwarts?)**

"GO TO HELL~!#$%^'./,./ **(We no speak your foreign language of random symbols.) **

I stebbd da drehoon thur the hert. **(NO! OUR LAST HOPE! WHY! *hugs the dragon*)**

"GO JO BEKLE! GO JI BKEL! 123 GOGOGO!" Dumdubledumre SCREEMED NGRILY **(Since when did Dumbledore become a cheerleader…oh no…bad images…eyes…burning…ah!)**

"WHOS DA DREGON SLEYOR? N U R! WHOS DA PRETTYST MOST AMAZNG SXYEST BUTIFUL AMZING SXY WONDRFUL GILR? JPO BELLE PUTTER" **(No, no, no this is all so wrong! It's supposed to be this: who's that annoying bitch? It's Jo bel! The U.G.L.Y thing that ruined J.K's masterpiece. Fuck you Jo bel!) ** Du,mblurode Gooluu, Haree, and snale sad. **(Snale…snale…No! Not Snape too! *sobs uncontrollably* Why?)**

Gremlin sed, "nowe u mae pass into da chamber uv trrezures. **(Why the hell does she get a special name for her vault? And if they did give special names to the vaults shouldn't hers be something like: **_**The vault that was unwillingly given up for some physico path who thinks she can write. **_**Yeah…that sounds just about right.) **

2 b CONTNUED! **(Must it? Nobody likes it…)**

* * *

**Feel free to review if you'd like to.**


	6. Treasure! And Disturbing Finds

**Hi Guy's! You made it to chapter six! I'm so proud! *hands out cookies.* **

**Disclaimer: don't own Jo bel's crap, don't own J.K's masterpiece. **

* * *

A/N Ty Darel for fixin da gramer erurs. **(There is no Daryl, it's all in your head.) **Ur da vvest. **(Great, your imaginary friend is a vest, is anyone else getting an unwanted Dora the Explorer flashback?) **

Chaptr 6: Trezur **(Maybe it'll be stolen from pirates!)**

Dumblrus sd drastically, "he iz ur twreszrue" **(Wow, we never would have guessed that it was your treasure, even though you said it was **_**your**_** vault.) **

"OMFGTISA" **(…I have no comment.)** I seD sadly. **(So, she's sad when she gets a bunch of treasure but she's happy when she see northlanders getting killed…What kind of screwed up logic is this?)**

"Dnt b so happe jo bEKl;e,' hary sed. **(Ok so now she's happy…maybe the real Harry is coming back to us!)**

"Ut dis iz mor monee den I evr ceen b4" jo Belke sed. **(*Laughing* Ha, ha! Jo bel…is being modest? Ha, ha, ha! When this story isn't crap!)**

We entrd da trezur rum cotiouslee. **(Why the hell would you walk in cautiously? Oh, right, you might trip on your long hair.) ** We wlkd inid n hrd somtin. Den we luked in. SNALE AND KWERREL WERE DOING IT TOGEDER! **(*me at a funeral* Today we remember a great Slytherin by the name of Severus Snape, who died today after reading something horrid on the internet.)**

**(Quirrell: What exactly did he read?) **

**(Me: something about you and him doing **_**it **_**together.)**

**(Quirrel: *dies.*)**

**(Me: I'm gonna need another coffin!) **

* * *

**Feel free to review if you'll like to.**


	7. What You Say, is What you are Jo bel!

**Chapter seven, to be honest I'm surprised I made it this far. Warning! Extreme racism in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Jo bel's shit, don't own J.K's masterpiece.**

* * *

A?n Jus cuz u dnt lik a stry dsnt meen u need 2 b meen. **(Yes it does.) **GO 2 ur prbablee a gae blak nurthurnur. **(*Looks at myself in the mirror.* I'm not black. *Blushes when a cute guy walks by.* I'm not gay. *Stares at the Canadian flag.* But I am a Northlander, so only one out of three, but I still say this story is shit.) **

Chptwer 7: I git rtch/ **(Thanks for finally admitting that you're a git!)**

Dmbldumr flu In on hiz brume and beet them up. **(Um…Dumbledore is not violent, and Harry is not stupid and they defiantly would ****not**** like you. This 'story' is very OOC indeed.) **"Yall r hugwerts teachers, yer supposed to be bettr den dis!: **(Dumbledore is gay and he's one of the best wizards in the world!)**

"UR STYUPID ND GAE!: I sae melodramcitaaly **( how do you know the word 'melodramatically'? It's way past your level of understanding.)**

Snal sad, "y do u hav to b meen to gaes wer humen 2!" **(Yeah! You tell that bitch Snape!)**

'NO UR NT! UR LUSERS WITH NO LIFE. GO 2 GELL!1111111111111111" **(What you say is what you are, but you forgot a few things, like the fact that you're a pain in everyone's ass. That you're a racist bitch and that you have imaginary friends at your age.) **

Snal and kwirril strtrs krying. Dey ren ote of da rume crieng. **(Snape wouldn't cry! He would throw you off a bridge instead!)**

DumBLDUM "Dose gAE PEopLE AR So STupiId." **(Dumbledore is gay! And you, Jo bel, are the stupid one.)**

"I knoe arry sed, **(Harry wouldn't say that!)**

Den Harwey nd ei got ur trezure. **(Hope it multiplies and burns you.)**

SDDNLY GolluM sut us in da trezur rume. **(I think he had the right idea about things.)**

Dumbllydum creed ote, "O KNOEW WAT SALL I DOO? " **(*Cough* OOC! *Cough*)**

He wEN nd KnicKED on dA dURE. **(Throwing a tantrum won't help you here Jo bel.)**"lET us Ote u STUPID BlAK gremlin." **(No, I don't think he will.)**

"NVR I LUV MISLF, noew I shell snd mi menyons to rap u." **(More raping! When are all the coming out?)**

Den I usEd my majicel abilettees to zap us ote. **(WTF! So you throw a tantrum for no reason!) ** I klld GuLLum. **(What! He did not deserve that! He was only trying to save the world!)**

DEN?| ? ? ? ? ? **(Forget the spaces, let's do question marks instead!)**? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? GOLUM CAM BAK 2 LIF!1111111111111 **(What?)**

2 b CONTNIUED1!#$%^&*() **(Please don't! Think of the children! The poor children who are losing brain cells this very second!)**

* * *

**Feel free to review if you'd like to.**


	8. Prepare the Pitchforks and Torches!

Chapter eight, prepare to grab your torches, because what is said in this chapter will probably piss you off.

Disclaimer: I don't own Jo bel's shit, or J.K Rowling's masterpiece.

* * *

**A.n: UR WRONG!11111111** (Bitch! You stole my bold thing!)** THE northurnurs r a bunch of dum librels. THE SOUTH R THE 1s WHO WRK!11 THE NRTHurNURS WULD HAv us STUK up OnN HELTP CAAR We WRK DA FLDS U LUSRS sit in facterees aand complaen aLL dae log.,** (Really? Cause the last time I checked, back in the 1800s Black African Americans worked the fields while you sat on your ass and did nothing!)** ur StuPID FAT, And UGLEEE! **(I think Charlie Rowe the _British_ actor is cute, *blushes.*) **DUMDUMBELRE IS NOT GAE!** (Yes he is; J.K Rowling, the_ Author,_ confirmed he was.) **AND IF HE WAS HED GO 2 HELL!1!111111111111111** (Hi! If anyone's going to hell it should be you!) **IIf u FlaaM ur ObvOUDSLY hjuST A stupid LIbrel Demcrat who DON'T knoe hOW to WoRK :P NORTHURNURS R MUCH STuPIDER, ….** (No, no one who flames your crappy ass story is stupid! YOU'RE stupid for thinking that this is still the bloody 1800s, YOU'RE stupid for thinking that any of us were gonna let you get away with this raciest crap, who's the stupid one now Jo bel? Cause it sure isn't us!)

Chaptr 8: DE eSCPA fruM Gngiotes **(Why can't she stay trapped? It'll do the world a favor.)**

AFTR goluM cam bak to lif we celbratd. **(He tried to kill you and you bring him back to life…I'm not the only one who sees anything wrong with this picture right?) **TRned OtTE he waz juS bein ConTROled by sum supid librel. Cuz dats wat librels do, dey r control freeks. **(Stupid liberal huh… well, I'm getting my pitchfork and my torch because I'm gonna join the angry mob that's gonna be banging on Jo bel's door!) **

Den da greMIlds tuld us we had to leeve noew. **(I thought this was gonna be an escape. Not an, 'I'm just gonna walk out now', sort of thing.) **We lf to go to Medem Milpkinths. **(There's no shop called that in Diagon Ally…oh wait, this is the screwed up version of Harry Potter where nothing is right!) **Dere was sum freek der. **(Are you sure you didn't catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror?) **Hhe had blond heir, but he wsnt suthrn. He waz ubvusly nutherm. **(Yes, because once again, YOU'RE IN ENGLAND!) **Haree sat on 1sid an I sat on deotherr. **(Huh? Sorry, I don't speak idiot.) **

:Who r u musnboled:" **(Do I have to say it again? I…don't…speak…idiot.)**

"I,m jO bEklle puttr, n dis iz mi bruthr," I sed stinlkly. **(Well your writing and attitude towards everyone except yourself certainly is stinky.) **

:JJO BELLE PORTER!/?" **(Why is she famous? Oh right, she's **_**infamous**_**.)**

"Yep, dats me,' I sed..

"I dint tink a suthrnur culd be so SXY.: **(Excuse me…*Runs to the bathroom before barfing in the toilet. Walks out* I'm better now.)**

"UR STUPID,' I jumPED on hem nd kikd his boodee/ "HAHA' luser,' is ede. **(You kicked him because he called you sexy? Harsh…)**

"Y O Y" DarKo crede. Y O Y? **(Is that supposed to be a yo-yo?)**

"BcuZ ure a DUM nUTHernur aand dats wat haoons" **(I'm from the North and you're dumber than me.)**

Den HAMLET CAM up. **(Not Shakespeare too! Can't you show a dead guy some mercy?)** " he dumbduymlr wntd to tll u somthin, he sed obtusely.…. ….. …. … … … … … .. …. **(Another pathetic attempt at suspense)**…. ….

2 B CONTNINUED ;_; **(Why!)**

Bi Da WaE NORTHERURS SUK!111111111111111111 ** (Really? Cause some other Southerners reviewed your story, and they don't seem to think so.)**

* * *

**Feel free to review if you'd like to.**


	9. Jo bel's Idea of a 'Interesting' Message

Chapter nine! Yeah!

Disclaimer: Don't own Jo bel's crap, don't own J.K's masterpiece.

**A.N: Danks 4 darryl 4 chkin dis/ Ur da bst.** (Its official, this chick has to get to a mental hospital, fast.)

**Cahprt 9: Dumblumdores mesage** (you stole my bold thing again…)

**Harmlt tuk us 2 Dumblumdur. "Helo dumdhumrr,' hamlt sed**. (I wonder who this poor, messed up character is?)

**"Helo Prufessor Haarmlet" Dumbumbledore said**. (Hello to you to?)

**"jO beLLE and HaARe dis is Professur Hamlet. He is daa keeper of da kees a HUgwerts."** (Keeper…of…the…keys…Hagrid! What has she done to you?)

**"Helo Prufessor Haglet," HaRRE amd ei sad.** (You can't spell 'I' right? Wow, you just won the world record for the stupidest person in the world. *Throws confetti* Congratulations!)

**"Yes, I em Prufesor Hagmet.:** (Hagrid is not a hag, you however…)

**Dumblum lafed ridikilosely.** (Random laughing? My list is already as tall as my door.) **alrite chldrn I need to tll u somthin." **(Here it comes…)

**"Wat iz it?" jo BelLe asked, **

**"Itz tim to go**… … … … … .. … … **PIK OTEUR WANDS!"** (That's it? *frowns* her idea of an 'interesting message' is really screwed up.)

We wnt 2 pck ote our wands. **(I got my bold thing back!)** We wlkd doewn da street. BUT… …. … … … …. …. …. … … . … … HAMLET WAS STILL STALKIN US!1! **(Honey when he's running in the opposite direction he isn't stalking you, he's running away from you.)**

"R u a pedow?" I asked. **(I'm guessing that means pedophile, which Hagrid isn't.)**

"No! I just waaantd to knoe somthin!" **(I also want to know something, along with half the people on this earth, why are you so stupid?)**

Dumbldor sied. "lUK her hamlet, Your just a silly scotish persin." **(Scottish people are **_**silly**_**? Oh! It's on now!)**

Hamlit strtd to cri. "Iem surry prufsor." **(How could you make Hagrid cry? He's so nice, and I know I've already said this before, but you truly are a monster.)**

"dats ok, u scotish people r jus lik oour pets." **(Scottish people are like your **_**PETS**_**? They are human beings unlike you, you troll!) **

"Can I git a raze?" **(Yeah you can get destroyed, especially when a lot of people hate you.)**

Dumbleumr lafed evly. "Y WULD I GIV u a RAZE? Go away u SIMPLE MINDED KREEP!" **(Simple minded…SIMPLE MINDED! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S SIMPLE MINDED, YOU BITCH!)**

Harmlet sarted crien agin. Den he run off. **(Hagrid…poor, poor Hagrid…)**

"ALrite childs, lets go pik ote ur wnds/ **(*shaking angrily* I…hope…she…pokes…herself…in…the…eye…with…it!)**

2BCNTUED **(Why? its crap…never mind, that's offensive to crap everywhere!)**

**Feel free to review if you'd like to.**


	10. I'll keep your Dirty Little Secret, NOT!

Chapter ten and still going strong, thanks for the reviews guys, I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer: Don't own Jo bel's crap, don't own J.K Rowling's masterpiece.

* * *

**A;n' Alrite idiots. STOP GLAMIN MI STIRY!1111111111** (Glamming? Nobody in their right mind would glam your story, flame it however…) **Jus bcause I hate Nurthernurs and gaes and blak people doesn't meen u need 2 giv me aa herd time!1111** (Yes it does, bitch!) **Go 2 HE:: YANKEES!1111111111 I write about SUTHERN ENGLAND! **(You dumbass! There isn't a bloody difference between what you call South England and North England, it's just plain England!) **Northurn englan and Scotlad are STUPID!1111** (They're a hell lot smarter than you, better looking too.*blushes* )**Also, thanks to darrel for chekin da spelling. UR DA BEST! I can't wate for 2morrow. (Darrel nd I aare goin to the mall with sum frends)** (You have more imaginary friends?)

Chaprer 10: **JO BELLES WAND **(Maybe she'll poke herself in the eye with it, it wouldn't surprise me if she did.)

**we WeN 2 da wand shop. Der were all surts of wands der**. (No shit Sherlock.) **I looked on da pervert roe.** (EW! There's a pervert row? And you looked there? Somebody's getting desperate…) **Der was a buch of stap on wands.** (You don't mean…oh shit you do! GROSS!) **Der was also *****************!111111111111111111 **(Man, a swear word so bad that Jo bel can't even write about it…it must be the apocalypse!)

**Den I went 2 daa SXY suTHern island, were der was a hole buch of wends. **(A sexy southern island? What have you been smoking?) **DEN I SAWED IT!1111111111111111111** (a saw eh…*smiles evilly*) **IT was da most butiful wand in da entir world.** (Uh huh…)**IT WAS A PTCH4k WAND!** (What?) **So u can cast spells and stab peeples. **(Let me guess who; northerners, black people, gay people and pretty much everyone who isn't you.)

**Den a man cam upp bhin us. " MWAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAh**!" (Is it Voldy? Cause everyone really wants to see him right now.)

**I prUf **(damn… it's not Voldy.)

**Esur OLEE, I wull b ur wands prufesur.** (Um, I'm pretty sure J.K Rowling didn't write about a wand professor.)

**"Cull I said." **(Again with the Twilight references!)

**"I lik ur wand," he sed happly. **(It isn't your wand unless it choses you, 'the wand choses the wizard,' remember? Not that you've read the books…)

**"ITS SXY," I sed.** (How the hell can a wand be sexy? Seriously! I want to know!)

**HAree agreed with me. Prufessor Olee tuk us in da bak of da store."Noew we hav some fun!" Olee sed. **(*Gulps* please don't tell me she means what I think she means…)

**2 B CONTINUED! **(Kill me now.)

* * *

Feel free to review if you'd like to.

.


	11. You're Never Updating Again Jo bel!

Chapter eleven, here we go.

**Disclaimer: Don't own Jo bel's shit, don't own J.K's materpiece.**

* * *

**A/N UR SO STUPID! U don't hav a clu!111 Stop messing with me!1111111** (*laughing* Stop flaming your story? Ha, ha! When this piece of shit isn't the worst thing I've ever read!) **NoRTherners ARE stupid! SUTHERNERS are the smartr peeples in AMERCA.** (Last time I checked Elbert Ernestine wasn't southern.) **NORturnurs anywaer r all stupid.. 1111111111111111 **(What the hell! You don't even know all Northerners, and you're calling us stupid? Have you've even read your own story?) **Da suttern part of any CUNTRY IS THE BEST PURT!1111111 STOP Flaimyn me!11111111111111111111111111111** (Some people say never say never, but I think even they would agree with me on this: NEVER!) **Ur just jelous bcuz im sutheern.** (Um, really? Cause a lot of southerners are now _ashamed _of being southern because of you.) **UR ALL a bunch ov STUPOD LibrEL Nrutherners!111111111 U LUSE!11111 I rede all ur storees and dey STINK!11111111111111111111111111111 **(Ha! You read all our stories! *snorts* I doubt you could even understand any of them because they're not in your imaginary language!) **IF U DON'T LIK DIS… … … … … DEN DON'T REED IT!** (I'm not reading, I'm COMMENTING there is a difference you know.) **Gae people aare reel humens… JUST STUPIDSER!11111111111111** (BITCH! Ellen the Generous is gay and she has her own T.V show! Do you see that G word? G.E.N.E.R.O.U.S? It means she helps people, while still being funny no less! And many people love her show. But you are straight (apparently) and everybody hates you, and you are a troll!) **im NOT updatin til I ged 5 gud reviows!** (Great! This hell will finally end! Open the champagne bottles! Cause tonight the world is celebrating!)

Hpter 11: jO bekke nd HArre kill a bnch of RIDIKULOUSLY UGLEE STUPIS BlaK gAE NuthernnORs!1111111111111 **(Hum…this won't make anyone angry at all. *punches the wall repeatedly*)**

Olee tuk us into da bak of his wand sjkull. **(It's a bloody **_**shop**__**, **_**not a****school, dumbass.)**_sowed_ us a bunch of gae Norturn blak peoples. **(Aw man, I can just imagine the torture those poor people are going through, to look at Jo Bel…*shudders*) **They wer all tied up. "Nowe." olEE sad, "u hav 2… …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. … … … … … … … … … kILL TESE RIKOLUSLY UGLY STUPID BLAK GAE NURTHERNURS!11111111111" **(Not if we kill you first.)**

"K I sed." Kay? **(Kay? You're about to kill innocent people and all you can say is Kay? At least Voldy tried to sugar coat it.)**

I wne ovr 2 da ridikulusly ugly stupID bLAK gaye Nirthurnurs!11111111111111111111 "don hurt us jO bekle,' dey sed. **(She doesn't care, want to know why? Because she's a bitch.) **

I laufed mecanicly. "" **(Oh, that explains why you have no feelings, you're a robot.)**

I strtd poking them with mi pich4k wnd. DEY strtd screamin **(I highly doubt they would start screaming if you just poked them.)** so I kiked der PRIVARTE PARTS!111111111111111111111111 ** (Yes, because that will make them stop screaming. *shakes head* idiot.)**

thEY scremed in pane!11111 Prufesor OLLEE was chering me on. **(No! You cannot make Ollivander join you're evil Cheerleading squad!)**

EN those RIDIkulously uGLee stupid bllAK gAE nothernurs **(You know you've repeated the sentence FOUR times right?**… … … … … … … … … …**SO MUCH BLOODY USELESS SUSPENCE!** … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …. DIED!11111111111111111111111111111 **(Really, we had no idea. Even though it was **_**in**_** the title!)**

2 B CONTINUD **(Shit.)**

I WANNT 5 GUFD REVIEWS OR IM NOT POSTIN DA NEXT XCHAPPPPIEE! **(Yeah, well then you're never updating again!)**

* * *

**Feel free to review if you'd like to.**


	12. THE BATTLE IS BACK ON GUYS!

**Chapter twelve, and still here! Oh and Guys I have really, **_**really**_** bad news… The wicked bitch is back! Yes, sadly it's true…*gulp* The proof is on my review page, she, sorry **_**it **_**got a new account. So, SOUND THE ALARM! WARN EVERYBODY! MESSAGE AUTHORS THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! THIS DISEASE MUST BE PREVENTED FROM SPREADING AGAIN! **

**Oh and Jo Bel, thank you for your lovely complement, I would probably kill myself if you actually liked me. Then again you don't know me, so you can't technically hate me or like me. But I'd rather it if you hate me. **

**Now since I've got that warning out of the way, I would just like to tell you guys that I'm sorry for not updating, but I felt kind of guilty about writing this since she was off the site. But, now that she's back on here and is probably gonna cause more shit than ever I say this for hopefully all of us here on Fanfiction…BRING IT ON JO BEL! WE BEAT YOU ONCE; WE'LL SURE AS HELL BEAT YOU AGAIN! (*battle cry*) FOR LITERATURE AND FOR FREEDOM! ON WITH THE BATTLE! **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Jo bel's shit, don't own masterpiece. **

* * *

_An OK, I knoe I sad dat I wudnt updaat tilll I get 5 gud reviews but I got thus written._**(Damn, she must have figured out she wasn't** **gonna get those good reviews, how this idiot figured it out though I have no idea.) **_I H8 U!_ **(Trust me when I say that your comment is more of a complement than an insult.) **_If ur repotin me den u sjuld go di!1111111111111111111111111_ **(What if I don't feel like dying?) **_Ur probably just a librel idiot._ **(Oh, so we're idiots for being open-minded, yet you're the one who spelled 'I' ei.) **_Also tanks to Darryl for da checking!11_**(I don't think** **you can give him any tanks, cause all the northerners, black Africans, and pretty much everyone else on this planet probably already rented them just so that they could 'raze' you.)** _I CANT WAIT 4 2NITE. I cant w8 till we c our frends at da mall! _**(Why are you telling us, your enemies where you are going? Are you trying to get yourself killed?)**_UR da best of the best! _**(Yeah, he is a good hostage; he's trying to warn the world about you.)**

CHAptr 12: We go 2 Kngs Crussin. **(Yum, croissants.)**

Aftr I kild the stupid blak people, Hamlet cam up. "Prufessur Dumblundum wants u knowe."

"K: Jo BEKKE said iunfurtunatly.\ **(Yes, it is unfortunate that she's on this site, narrator.) **

Hamlimt tuk us 2 prufesur dumblumdur. Dumbindor sd, "Did u get ur wanz?" **(More like a medieval weapon.)**

"Yeah, an then I killd sum gae blak peeples with it." **(And you wonder why we don't like you…)**

"Cull," dumbledore saif..** (I hate you. Enough said.)**

"it was fun.' Haree sed. **(Harry would never, **_**never, **_**ever think that killing innocent people is fun. Are you forgetting what happened to his parents?)**

"I knoe I do that all the tim!" DUumvbledum said. **(So Dumbledore committed suicide a whole bunch of times? He is gay after all.) **

"THAt iz Awsum!" JO beLLE sed. Haply. **(Even Voldy wouldn't be that cruel.)**

Dumbledure then sed, "Alrite children it's time to go 2 knGS cruSSin. Jo BELE tak us to kings crossin.." **(If Jo bel already knows seventh year magic then what's the point of her going to Hogwarts and ruining more lives?)**

I wavd mi pch4k wnd. **(But because of my idiocy, I accidently stabbed myself in the neck and died. The end.) **It glowed and then all ov a suddn.. WE WERE IN KINGS CRUSSIn. **(You have to at least turn in a circle, dumb-nut.) **

Haree nd I sawed a family. Dey sed, "ALL dese stupid gae Northurn muggls!1111 **(Oh no, no, no, no, please tell me that she didn't get the family right…)** Cum on Donald." **(…*Runs outside and screams at the sky* WHYYYYYYYYYY!)**

"Hey! I! SED! R u goin 2 HUWERTS?"

"UVZ curse we r, dingles," mrs weasel sad. Weasel. Heh. **(Huh, at least someone wasn't **_**completely**_** affected by the evil MarySue.)**

"Bi da wae, mi nam is Donald." Da redhed boy sed. **(*Whimpering* Ron, Ron, Ron; what has she done to you?)**

"CULL" herry said. **(SHUT UP ABOUT EDWARD CULLEN ALREADY!)**

"Lets go," donalkd sed** (If you're gonna spell his name wrong at least spell it wrong the same way!)**

DEN… … … … … … … … ….. WE rAN THRU DA WALL!1111111111111111111111 **(Yes, cause even though the school's been around for over one-thousand years, no one till now ran through a wall. *rolls eyes* stupid.)**

2 B CoNTuned **(I'm still praying that this is just a very bad dream.)**

* * *

**Feel free to review if you'd like to.**


	13. OOCness and Poor Victims Of 'Love'

**Hey Guy's! She's back…**_**again**_** and I actually had hope that she had finally gotten the message three months ago. But apparently that was too much to ask, so here's chapter thirteen of this God awful story. Oh, and thanks for the reviews and everything, you guys rock. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Jo Bel's shit, don't own masterpiece.**

* * *

A,n: STOP FLAMIN MI STURYE! U hava no rite 2 flame mi stury. **(Oh, but you have a right to be a complete bitch to blacks, northerners and gays? Seriously, get out of your la la land! Or on second thought stay there.) **I H8 U!1111111111111111111 **(Don't worry, we hate you ten times more.) **Ur jus a bunch ov librel gaes! THankS 2 Darryl 4 checkin mi story. I LOVE YOU!11111111111111111 **(Poor Darryl, I'm beginning to think that he's just a victim in this.) **Darrel nd I r d8in now! **(Yeah, he's defiantly a victim.)**We 3 ech othr! **(Oh my God imagine if she has kids! *trembles* Darryl I hope you'll be able to leave that bitch.)**

Chaptre 13: Da hofwasrtz expres!11111111111

WE run thRU te wall. Don said, "We shuld go sit dowen," he sed unhappily. **(How can you be sad if you're going to Hogwarts?)**

Jo belle and HAree got onto da hUGwerts eXpres/. **(Ugh! Another change of perspective!)**I luked around the rume. There was no1 iin 1. "Letz sit her," Donald sad.

"K,' I sadi.

We set down. Thn daa fat trullee lady cam long. "EAT FUDE ETE FUDE!11111111111 " **(I really don't think an old lady would be screaming like that on a train.)**

donald sed. "I ain't got no monee 2 by fude." **(Well, she got one thing right.)**

"dat's alrite. Ill bye it." I sed. **(Still doesn't change the fact that you're a racist bitch.)**

"OMG Ur jO beKKE puttr!11111 " da trolley lade said. **(An old lady would not say that, maybe something like 'what does OMG mean?' would fit better.) **

"i knoe,' I lufed vicouslee. **(She knows something?! *Volcano erupts* EVERYBODY RUN! IT'S THE END!) **

"her, u can hav freeee fude, cuz ur so pretty and u dfeeted da dark lard." **(Harry defeated Voldy; you're just a Cullen crazy Mary Sue who pisses people off. Annoying yes, but not really scary.) **

:cull I sed.

hAREE nd I got fude. We started tto ete and then someone barged in the room. IT WAZ… … … … … … … … … … … … . …. …. … ….. … .. .. . .. .. . ... . HERMONEE! **(NO! *Punches the wall* How could you be so evil?) **

**(What no, to be continued? Maybe this torture has finally come to an end!)**

* * *

**Feel free to review if you'd like to. **


End file.
